The man I’m dating still keeps text messages and photos from a woman

by James · March 8, 2023

Dear Amy! I’m in a new relationship with a man I’ve known for years.

He keeps the e-mails and text messages of a woman he was in a previous relationship with. Some of the texts from him are sexual in nature.

She also sends him pictures of herself.

Even though she’s less and less communicating with him, I can’t help but wonder why she keeps these reminders.

When he interacts with her, it’s always about loving her and knowing that she loves him.

He doesn’t contact her, so I say, “Why are you keeping this mess?”

– It’s sad

Nice nervous! In our still-evolving digital age, “blocking, muting, hiding and ignoring” exes are all issues that couples must openly navigate, while deleting dating profiles and declaring a relationship are the foremost digital touchstones of romance. status on social media.

Why does your boyfriend keep this mess? Do you keep digital trophies from all your past relationships? Are you really ghosting this previous girlfriend instead of using your grown-up voice to actually and officially break up with her?

Because it bothers you, ask him! This should not be an interrogation, but a conversation. Don’t tell him what to do, tell him how it makes you feel.

You’ve known this man for a long time, but setting the parameters of a committed and exclusive relationship is a process of getting to know someone in a new way.

If your behavior keeps triggering your own insecurities or jealousy, you may need to retreat to the friend zone.

Dear Amy! I lost my first pregnancy to miscarriage a week ago. This was especially difficult because my husband and I had been trying for a while and really wanted to be parents.

In all my excitement, I told everyone I was pregnant, so I had to go back and tell everyone the bad news.

Everyone expressed their sympathy and asked if there was anything they could do.

The honest answer was yes – I really just wanted flowers to make the house beautiful and full of life in this sadness.

I thought the question sounded rude because I assumed at least some of them would send flowers. I thought it would detract from the generosity of the gift if I asked for them.

Well here we are a week later and there are no flowers in my house.

I guess I just want to know if I should have asked for the flowers when people asked, “Can I do something?”

It feels even ruder to ask now and point out that I actually had quiet expectations and no one met them.

Should I go to the store and buy all my flowers at this time? If this situation ever happens again, should I ask for flowers next time?

“I’m looking for mourning etiquette.”

Dear Seeker: I am so sorry you are going through this complicated loss.

It may help to understand that some people react extremely negatively to flowers after a loss, because the scent, followed by the inevitable wilting and decay, can trigger intense grief.

I’m writing a recipe for you to go out and buy a flowering potted plant today – something that suits your area, that you can then plant in the ground when the seasons change.

I hope you will also directly ask your friends and family to send you flowers! It’s not too late. Giving them a specific task and helping them in a clear way brings you all together.

One idea would be to ask your most trusted friend or family member to coordinate the delivery of a fresh bouquet each week for the next month—each from a different friend.

Dear Amy! “No-Brady Lady” wondered how to respond to her friends’ enthusiasm for football, which she did not share.

I also live in an area where they really like football. I feel your pain. You can’t get away from it no matter where you go.

When people start talking to me about football, I just look at them and say, ‘You’ve got to give me a second. I have to work up to care.”

It is usually well received by those who know it and is usually followed by laughter.

– Who cares?

Dear, who cares?: Like! Let’s make those t-shirts.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @askingamy or on Facebook.)