The First Date Debate: Who Pays? Women’s ‘awkward’ encounters go viral
The footage shows the moment a woman becomes a date after refusing sex on the first date. Video / talisa0913
A woman’s incredibly “awkward” encounter with a man has reignited the age-old debate about who should pay on the first date.
The video, which has been viewed more than 13 million times, was recorded by a woman named Talisa while her date was getting frustrated.
As the camera hovers over a near-empty glass on a table, her conversation with a man she was having dinner with can be heard loud and clear – and the content is truly shocking.
It starts innocently enough with Talisa saying she “appreciates” her date offering to pay for their dinner, before emphasizing that she’s happy to “cover” half the bill.
He insists it’s fine and tells her, “I found it.”
But things take a dramatic turn when he offers to accompany Talisa to her nearby hotel room and she refuses.
“Oh, I see,” she tells him. “A man pays for your dinner and…”
At this point, an audibly uncomfortable Talisa chimes in and declares, “I don’t mess around on a first date.”
After explaining that he made her feel like she had to have sex with him “all the time”, he accuses Talisa of “just wanting a free meal”, which she rejects, stating that she “has no problem paying to avoid that “.
The date ends with him reversing his offer and telling Talisa to pay for her own meal.
Many social media users drew attention to the man’s “disgusting” behavior, saying it showed he thought he “owed” the sex because he paid – a sentiment echoed by Talisa in her caption with the hashtag “so transactional”.
There has also been a heated debate over who should pay on the first date, something “elite dating coach” Stef Frodden says should be put to rest once and for all.
“If the man initiates the date, of course he has to pay for the date,” she told news.com.au.
“As women, we fought for equal rights. Equal rights means HUMAN rights. The right to choose. We have the right to choose what we want to do with our lives and how we do it.
“This does not automatically mean that we should have the same responsibilities as men in all areas of life.”
Stef, from the Sunshine Coast, revealed the advice she gives her clients to help them through this sticky situation.
“A woman on a first date has the option of offering to pay after receiving the bill, out of politeness and courtesy. But it is a gesture,” he said.
“A great strategy I’ve come across in this situation is to say, ‘Do you need help?’
While Stef, 31, clearly believes a man should always pay on a first date, many women take a different strategy.
“If I really like you, I’ll let you foot the bill,” Brisbane woman Amy Dickinson said in a viral TikTok video.
“I’m not going to reach out, I’m not going to suggest that we split it, I’m just going to let it cover.
“This gives me the opportunity to propose another date and of course I insist on paying next time.”
Conversely, if you’re not interested in seeing a guy again, you’ll make sure to cover half the bill.
“Because I don’t want to owe you anything,” he explained.
Amy isn’t the only woman who uses this tactic, I’ve been doing it since I started dating as a teenager when my mom warned me, “Never accept anything from a man because he’s going to expect something back. “
So why do so many men feel entitled to sex if they’ve covered the cost of a meal or a few drinks? According to experts, this is the perfect combination of capitalism and patriarchy.
“Boys and men are surrounded by influences that tell them they have to act and behave in certain ways to ‘be a man,'” said Dr Emma Beckett, from the Department of Sociology at the University of Warwick. HuffPost in 2019.
“Not only does it put pressure on men to act in certain ways, but it also gives many men an excuse to behave in the way they have a right to behave.”
Thus, while many men resent having to pay, Beckett argues that some choose to do so as a means of power and control over women.
“A lot of men feel like they’ve made an impact, they’ve invested in that woman, and so they have to pay her back in some way—usually with positive attention.”
In Talisa’s case, she describes feeling pressured by her date, and he becomes audibly angry when she declines his offer to walk her home after paying the bill.
Stef insists that while this kind of behavior does happen, it’s “definitely not the norm.”
“If a woman doesn’t feel safe on a date and she’s in a restaurant like this woman, she should just get up and leave.
“You don’t have to worry about getting paid or anything other than getting out safely.”
“In this situation, throw politeness, common courtesy and kindness completely out the window and make your comfort and safety your number one priority.”
Interestingly, he believes that the reason these shocking interactions happen so often is because of “a huge gap due to a general misunderstanding when it comes to expectations.”
“As women, most of us want to feel cared for and loved. We want to feel cared for. The current confusion about dating is because men now think we want to pay our own way and are offended if they take the lead,” she said.
Even if there’s a wild disparity in expectations for women’s role in relationships (studies show we still do more housework and domestic work than men despite bringing in the full income), there’s still no excuse to force anyone. he feels obligated to sleep with them.