Relationship experts reveal the hard reasons why women get bored with their husbands

by James · March 14, 2023

Welcome to the weekly cycle of marriage, where this Wednesday is exactly the same as last Wednesday, and next Wednesday will be no different than this Wednesday. The same goes for Thursday. In fact, the same applies to all other days.

Monotonous? Oh, take it. Sweet repetition feeds the soul. It also breaks the soul. How can he do both?

Are you bored yet? Boredom is freedom—freedom from passion, freedom from commitment, freedom from the world, and immersion in sweet, sweet helplessness.

Boredom also drains the joy out of a room, leaving an emotional vacuum that is immediately filled by plastic-wrapped snacks, bad true crime podcasts, and late-night, endlessly scrolling TikTok.

It’s even worse if the person you married is one of the main reasons you’re bored. Once you admit that your husband or wife is actually boring… well, that’s just sad.

Sad, but not unexpected. Chemistry inevitably begins to fade in a relationship. What’s left is either true love or a pile of broken petri dishes and dreams.

But what really happens when a woman is bored with her husband? What makes you lose interest? We asked a panel of YourTango relationship experts to weigh in. Here are their answers.

Table of Contents

According to relationship experts, there are six reasons why women are bored with their husbands:

1. Dissatisfied with another aspect of your life.

Sometimes a woman may be bored with her husband because she is dissatisfied with something else in her life. The hard truth is that it’s easier to convince your husband than to solve the other problem, so the focus is there. I was a dating coach for 20 years, so I’ve learned a lot about relationships, and I’ll admit, I’ve fallen into this trap myself. When I realized that I was blaming him for things that weren’t as big as I imagined, I took the time to look inside myself and deal with what the real problem was. It’s amazing how much better we got along after I took the undue pressure off her.

– Ronnie Ann Ryan, intuitive coach and past reader

2. He grew, but she didn’t.

While every marriage is unique, some of the hard reasons why women get bored with their husbands and other partners are: The woman develops and the partner does not, the original attraction is lost, and values are no longer shared and expressed.

– Ruth Schimel, PhD, career and life mgt. consultant, author

3. Marriage lacks variety and new experiences.

Some women may get bored with their husbands due to the monotony of marriage. While consistency can be important in any relationship, variety can be just as important. Changing things up and adding variety to your marriage can keep the spark, interest, and desire alive in a relationship.

Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, PhD, CRS, LMFT

4. Marriage lacks spontaneity.

Consistency is important for a healthy marriage, but too much predictability can lead to apathy. This may include the same pattern, such as going on regular dates to the same restaurant and watching movies from home; repetitive vacations and hobbies that involve only one spouse, which can create feelings of exclusion. When couples do more things together without diversity, over time it leads to a lack of interest and excitement in their partner, causing unwanted distance between them and boredom in shared experiences.

– Clare Waismann M-RAS/ SUDCC II, founder and director of the Waismann Method

5. Marriage lacks excitement.

Long-term relationships take a lot of time, energy, and effort to sustain. Although many relationships begin with great excitement and enthusiasm, it is very easy for marriages to fall into a predictable rut over time. Work, taking care of children, cleaning, organizing activities, managing financial obligations – the time and energy of everyday life can drain you from romantic relationships, leaving little room for fun in your marriage. One of the most common ways women get bored with their husbands—and in fact, couples get bored with their partners, regardless of gender—is simply because of a lack of excitement.

People often get married because they are in love and want to share their lives with someone. The safety, comfort, and security that a committed, long-term relationship can bring is very meaningful. Yet, as humans, we also want excitement! It should be stimulated with fresh, inspiring activities and thought-provoking dialogue. Research suggests that doing new things with your partner—things that are different, somewhat novel, and focused on shared experiences—can keep romantic relationships alive. A growth mindset that intentionally sets aside time for you and your partner to have interesting experiences together will help you combat the boredom that often comes with the predictability of married life over time. As a partner, actively fight boredom and plan something fun together.

Even if it seems small, try a new restaurant or type of cuisine, plan a trip to do something you’ve never done together, listen to a podcast and discuss the content, or even sit at home alone and watch the sunset together. Something to connect with and show your partner that you want to share a different experience with them.