Navigating Dating: Four Types of Men You Should Avoid
Let’s face it, dating in the Caribbean can be tragic! Someone peed on the date and I’ll be damned if I’m going to take a dip!
I’ve been single for about a year now and finding the “right” guy has proven to be tricky.
Navigating these dating sites is like navigating a sea of animals and not knowing which one is a whale, dolphin, shark, electric eel, barracuda, or jellyfish—you get the point.
I’m making more of an effort to go on dates with men I wouldn’t normally go out with – just to keep an open mind.
But if you want to adopt this strategy, please don’t!
There’s a reason your mom and all the love coaches tell you to stick to your standards, because once you forget the bare minimum, you’re in for a whole lot of trouble!
Don’t call me a pro, but these are the five types of guys you should avoid when dating:
I once dated a guy who ticked all my boxes. He was 6′ 2”, dark and handsome, with a six pack – and I’m not talking about the beers. He was charming yet sweet and considerate and sends me motivational messages daily. I speak, completely love bombed by gorgeous messages and eloquent sweet romantic gestures that made me think I was in love. I thought he was the nicest guy I’d met in a while; I thought it was him, but boy was I wrong! At first, his domineering personality excited and inspired, but after a few months of getting close, he became cold, critical and downright emotionally abusive.
“Fix it” sir
This is the guy who is so damaged that he needs to be fixed. When you’re dating, sometimes you meet men who have it all together, and sometimes you don’t. While some of us live paycheck to paycheck and it can be tough financially in Jamaica, there are men who are actively looking for a “caper” (you know, female superheroes with a softer touch: Wonder Woman, Jean Gray, etc.). I know struggling love all too well, having tried to fix many people. People say it’s because I’m a Virgo and we’re servants of the zodiac, but I digress. We need to set the standard for the type of man we want to be with. Ladies set the standard and stick to it. For me, if he doesn’t have a suit, I won’t date him; if he has bad credit, i can’t date him either. I’m stepping out of the people-pleasing stage and into a selfish era of my life where I do things that make me happy and they don’t accept any Mr Fix It.
Mr can’t commit
There was another guy I dated once who seemed perfect on paper. He had a car and a house a fat bank account and he traveled to Greece and St Barts just for that. But he admitted that he wasn’t ready to settle down because he hadn’t met the right woman yet, even though he only liked to date when it suited him – casually. Considering himself a predator, Mr. Can’t Commit always kept his options open, always trying to figure out if he could come up with something better. The man never knew what he wanted. It’s never a good idea to wait for such a man to choose you – he will probably stick with you for months or even years.
Parazita is not to be confused with ‘Mr Fix Me’; always asking for favors and gestures, usually at your expense. I once dated a guy who always missed me. He wanted to borrow money, he wanted me to follow him somewhere just so he could pay for the trip, and he expected me to pour into his cup, but I felt empty and empty. Before I knew it, I was working full time for him, neglecting my business and my needs. No Bueno!
Also known as “The Bully”, this guy is always walking around and giving orders. I once dated a guy who wanted to know my every move and would take me everywhere I wanted. At first I thought he was just a gentleman, but I soon realized he was the most critical of all the men I dated. He would criticize my choice of friends, my hobbies and, you guessed it, my clothes. I soon realized that he was manipulating her in order to manipulate her in his own way and shape her into a woman he was attracted to.
Like I said, I’m not a dating pro, but whoever you decide to date, watch out for red flags. Also, make sure you take care of her and keep improving yourself so that you can eventually become the person you want to date.