I tried the no ghosting dating app you’ve heard about on twitter and it’s hell

by James · January 11, 2023

Should I actually tell someone I’m not with them? I will be ill

Look, I’m as against ghosting as the next person. Being on the receiving end of “dead air” after late night calls, dates and hand size comparisons is no fun. My self-esteem is not set in stone – it really sucks.

But I’m sure we can all agree that the rules don’t usually apply to dating apps, right? If you ask me, chatting with a match that doesn’t really go beyond “hey” before we let things die quietly. I don’t really like telling anyone face how am i getting bored if they just text them – then why the hell would i want to meet irl?

Which is why when someone on Twitter discovered a new dating app without ghosting, I was prematurely mortified. Tame, which has more rules and regulations than SAS, simply won’t let you end a conversation without specifically explaining why.

God, that sounds awful! pic.twitter.com/vWoE0PrDIJ

— striking workers reviewer (@_georgina666) January 2, 2023

Call me an “out-of-touch Gen-Z’er” all you want, but that’s my personal idea of hell. So of course I had to try it. Here’s everything you need to know about one of Twitter’s least favorite dating apps — including all the restrictions, broken down for your entertainment!

Table of Contents

The filtering process

Forget everything you know about signing up for dating apps. You’re not in Tinder country anymore – it’s uncharted territory.

Before adding your pictures, details, and dating questionnaire (yes, you read that right), you should first read through Tame’s seemingly endless community guidelines.

I won’t bash the app for trying to promote intentional dating. Consciously choosing your potential partners in order to be taken seriously isn’t a bad thing in and of itself – so being able to chat with just one person at a time seems like a good idea for those looking for it. However, for some reason the rules get trickier as you slide.

This seems like a good time to point out that swiping between users is PROHIBITED (underlined, all caps, bold, and offset by a thousand exclamation marks). Tame has consciously chosen not to do this feature because it’s apparently “dehumanizing” – instead you have to set up your own dating questionnaire for potential matches to answer when they “like you”. I honestly don’t see the appeal at all unless it’s a bunch of admins *thing*.

Then we come to Tame’s biggest – er, selling point: the ghostless feature. If you meet someone and you don’t feel it, you have to give them feedback before you can talk to others. Best of all, you can choose from a “comprehensive list” of nasty, embarrassing reasons like “their answers didn’t meet my expectations.” IMAGINE GETTING THIS MESSAGE. I would die, I think.

Also, if you are busy and/or inactive on Tame for seven days, this will be considered “problem behavior” and your account will be hidden from others. So you better always have it running in the background, otherwise you’re basically a filthy time waster.

Swipe across

After setting up your profile, users who like you must answer all of your questions before they decide to match you, and vice versa. Oh, and if someone has answered your questions, but you don’t like the look of it? Yes. You have to tell them. I feel sick to my stomach.

Once you’ve decided you’re ready to answer someone’s questions, the app takes you to a weird little DM-y corner that looks like you’re starting a conversation with them. Except it isn’t. Because at this point they can still reject you. It’s all accompanied by the Tame ‘Chatbot’, so you’re not even technically alone. I hate.

After answering the user’s questions, the chat will remain in DM in “in progress” while the person decides if you are too high to continue the conversation. If they like you, you can continue chatting with them. If not, find out exactly why!

The verdict

I think I’ve made my feelings pretty clear by now, but to point out, this is pretty much the most anxiety-inducing, self-esteem-destroying, vomit-inducing dating app I’ve ever used. And I think one Twitter user summed it up most hilariously when he said “this isn’t a dating app, this is a hostage situation”.