I am suspicious of the 26-year-old girl who is dating my 62-year-old brother, shall we accept it?
Dear Amy: I met a great guy. We went on six dates and I’m taking things very slowly.
This is the first time I’ve gone out with someone in the seven years since my ex-husband and I divorced.
The real reason I’m taking things slow is because a person who has a vendetta against me has created fake social media sites to harass me.
It’s all over the internet, but these posts and links are under my old married name.
I am working on officially changing my name back to my maiden name and have tried to contact the internet sites but to no avail.
- Read more: Ask Amy: My ex-husband committed a crime, but I’m keeping it a secret. Am I the bad guy?
I’d be happy if my “new guy” never knew about it, and so far I don’t think he has.
Retrieving my birth last name may solve some of my problems as you have to dig deeper to uncover defamatory information. It does not appear in quick search.
Should I tell him about this or wait until we are exclusive and monogamous?
I’m afraid to tell him now since the relationship is still new.
I hope that once you get to know me better, it will have less of an effect.
What do you think?
– On the fence
Dear on the fence: I suggest you wait until you are more confident about burying online harassment.
One reason you might want to wait is that if you go public now, the man you’re dating may (out of curiosity) find these fake accounts and inadvertently make things worse by sharing, commenting, or trying to fix it .
As you know, any traction on social media accounts can trigger the algorithm and get your material to more readers.
The person who created these accounts can become aware of any traction and renew this vendetta.
I hope you seek legal and law enforcement advice on what to do next.
Dear Amy: My 62-year-old brother recently announced that he is in a long-term relationship with a 26-year-old woman.
Her adult children (ages 29, 32, 36) have known about her for more than two years, are participating in family therapy, and still do not accept this woman in their lives. My brother has been divorced for years and has been dating very young women.
Although I’m pretty disgusted, it’s ultimately not my decision as I’m not going to spend time with him/them.
My parents, who are in their 80s, don’t know what to do.
They feel bad about the age difference and are suspicious of the young woman’s motives.
My brother recently showed up at their house and left her sitting in the car while he visited our parents; when my mother discovered this, she went out and hugged him because she felt sorry for him.
We are all at a loss as to how to handle this situation.
Are we supposed to accept him and pretend he’s not creepy?
- Read more: Ask Amy: I think my brother is a lazy parent, should I say something?
Or we still don’t accept him into the family.
– No-Fun Dysfunction Family
Dear No-Fun: It is enlightening that, as rude as your brother was to keep his partner waiting in the car, your mother was polite and kind enough to find him and greet him with a hug.
No wonder her mother is suspicious of this young woman’s motives. Only someone with a strong ulterior motive (or very low self-esteem) could tolerate this level of rudeness from a long-term partner.
Still, I suggest you act like your mother did. Be polite and kind. Don’t judge. Do not make alliances. Don’t banish this younger partner to punish your sibling.
Neither of you have to “do” or handle anything.
You don’t have to understand the behavior of your brother or his girlfriend. So yeah, I guess what I’m trying to say is accept your brother’s mate and pretend it’s not creepy.
Dear Amy! Your answer to the “Uplifted concertgoer” about the loud dolls in the concert audience was so baseless! As well as insulting audience members who want to hear the music, he described community bands as organizations where amateur musicians “dust off instruments from the back of their coat closets”.
– It’s sad
Dear Nerd: I think I really wrote my own long story of performing with a local community band and choir, which is truly an experience from “The Music Man.”
I didn’t want to insult my fellow musicians.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at: [email protected] or mail to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow him on Twitter. @askingamy obsession Facebook.)
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