Ask Evie: The only guys I don’t like seem to be interested in me. How can I attract someone I like?
READER QUESTION: “I’m constantly frustrated with dating. All the guys I’m attracted to are never attracted to me, but the guys I’m not at all interested in are always interested in me. It’s very discouraging and I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong.”
EVIE’S ADVICE: We know it can feel like this sometimes, but we guarantee it’s not because you’re doing something wrong. Finding the right match is a delicate dance, and you don’t necessarily meet every second person in the same relationship. The more you put yourself out there and meet new people, the more likely you are to find that connection. That said, maybe it’s time to do some self-reflection on a few different elements of your goal to find a man you love who is also attracted to you!
Start by taking a closer look at what types of people you are attracted to. Do you find yourself attracted to men who don’t really complement who you are? It is not uncommon to convince ourselves that we like a certain type of man, only to realize that these men’s characteristics do not meet your needs and wants. For example, you may like the idea that a man is a hero and a protector, so you are attracted to men who are literally heroes: firefighters, policemen, etc. But if the feelings aren’t mutual, maybe it’s because the kind of person who pursues a career in law enforcement doesn’t really match who you are. Maybe you’re really looking for a man who has the qualities of a hero—one who is brave and considerate of others—without the badge.
Some additional ideas to consider: How do you dress? Our clothes convey our values and personality, and the impression our style makes on others attracts some and turns others off. Is your current wardrobe attracting the ideal man?
Next, how do you behave? There is a cliché that “opposites attract” and this is true for the feminine and the masculine. A masculine man will be more attracted to a feminine woman than an “I wear the pants” type of woman. How can you lean into your femininity in a way that feels authentic and comfortable for you? Also, how are your flirting skills? Can you tell a man you find attractive by flirting that you are interested in him? Men need encouragement to make the first move, and flirting is a great way to show that you’d be receptive to his advances.
It’s about optimizing your approach so you have a better chance of achieving a happy relationship based on mutual attraction.
Another aspect to consider is what places do you spend your free time? Even small restaurants and businesses have their own culture and attract certain crowds. A dive bar will have a different crowd than a coffee shop or a church volunteer group. Do you spend your time in a place where your ideal man would also spend his time?
If you use a dating app, do you need to update your profile? Would switching to an app with more bio information and more filters yield better results, even if you pay a higher subscription fee?
It’s not about changing everything about yourself, it’s about reassessing what can help and hinder your growth and goals. It’s about optimizing your attitude so that you’re more likely to achieve the desired outcome – a happy relationship based on mutual interest and attraction!
Do you have a question that you would like advice on? Email it to us at [email protected].